The Crown

Every Queen must wear a crown. That makes ME no different. It just needs to be worn high and proud.

On the Lake

These are pictures we took on the lake. A rainy day on the lake is better than a good day at the house anytime.

Me

This is me getting ready for a night in New Orleans.

My Best Friends

These are my best friends. Jenny on the left and iris on the right.

Me, Bold and Prissy

I am Woman! Hear me roar! I have great friends and family. I am loyal to them, as they are to me. They say I am mean. I say, no. I am only the Queen. I am bold and prissy. There is no in-between with me. It is either black or white, no gray or grey either. I am outgoing and will try anything once. If I like it, I can promise I will do it again. I have traveled. I have seen Niagara Falls, Gulf of Mexico, Pacific Ocean, Atlantic Ocean, and the Grand Canyon. I have lived in the south and the north. I have flown in an airplane and a helicopter. I sipped margaritas in Mexico and ate jerk chicken in Jamaica. I reveled in glory and sorrow. I would never tell you I showed my "boobs" for beads at Mardi Gras. I don't have a tattoo, I tried piercing, not for me. I have grown my hair out, it is the thing to do to catch the attention of a handsome man. I have no children. Just the children of siblings. I go to bed early, I get up early. I sip on great coffee while pondering the woes of the world. I wear shoes of many colors and styles. I always have my piggies (toes) polished. My teeth are pearly white. My eyes, will talk to you from across the room. I am Bold and Prissy. I hold nothing back. I give all that I have. I live with everything I have within me. I go at it with all of my power. I am Woman! Hear me Roar!

Getting Some Sun

This is Jenny getting some sun. We had a great time in New Orleans.

As We Get Older

I often sit and wonder why life is the way it is. As we get older, why do people think we must settle down. Why it is harder to find new friends, why is it tough to find someone to care about us as much as we care about them? Why do we not settle for one person, thinking we are settling and hoping the right one is just around the corner.

I have been divorced more than 7 years now. In that time, I met and fell in love with someone that broke my heart. I have gotten over it. I learned to deal with the fact, we were not meant to be together. I have moved on. However, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

I have a ton of things to offer. I am cultured, kind, honest, loving, independent and the list goes on and on and on. Is it because I don't fit the mold of what men want on their arms on Saturday evening while out to dinner. No, you are right, I am not tall and thin. I am a healthy girl with a huge heart. I have done a lot of soul searching. I have realized men are arrogant, selfish, and not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

Well, before I dig myself too big of a hole. I will stop here. I know, I can type anything I want because this is my blog. But, I choose not too. This is who I am. Either love me for me, or move on. Simple as that.

This is absolutley what I love to do on the weekend or when the weather is just gorgeous.

Angels Among Us

Are there angels among us? I think so. Like a song, they come in all shapes and sizes. They appear when you least expect them.

I know for me, there is an angel around me all the time. She is a beautiful angel. No, she is not a queen, just an angel, we can only have one queen. She would argue with me I know, about who is the best queen. I would win. No doubt.

My angel, when on earth was a mother to two great boys. She was called to heaven way too early. She left behind, these little boys that were 6 and 8. They are now grown men. Handsome, wonderful men.

We often discuss our angel. I know for me, I can never talk about her without crying. She was such a funny woman. I miss her greatly. Her name is Dea. We know she also watches over the babies in our family. We just wish everyone would have known her the way we did. She was in her mid thirties when her calling came. We know, though, she is in a much better place. We will always miss her.

Boobs are a Man's Best Friend

Man's best friend is not a dog from the local dog pound, or the buddy he plays golf with every Saturday like clock work. It is the boob's of a woman. I could never understand why a man thinks these can talk. Ever notice, if a woman has boob's a man seems to never see the beauty in one's eyes, or the color of them for that matter. He never sees her shining white teeth or the batting of the eyes. Hell, he doesn't even see the mount rushmore on her forehead (pimple) that she has been trying to conceal for days. But, he sees the boobs. He can't take his eyes off the boobs. Does he really think they will talk back? Does he think they will comfort him on a bad day? Wait, men don't have bad days, they just sulk for a week. Maybe they should get their own boobs. Maybe they should shop for a bra, one that lifts and seperates. A leather boostierre (corset). Just don't steal my identity. Men should try shopping for a strapless bra that holds them puppies. Men cannot call themselves men if they have not even given any thought to trying on a bra. Come on now, admit it, wouldn't it be a funny site to see a man wear a bra everyday. They would then appreciate what a woman goes through and he would then look her in the eyes instead of at the boobs. So next time a man looks at your boobs, tell him they don't talk, and to look you in the face when you speak.

When Love Dies

How does a person get over love? When love dies is it really gone forever? Can someone love once, can they love twice?

I have loved, only half in my marriage. Loved with all my heart in a relationship that I will never get over. I know what it is like to love someone and not be loved back. It is an empty feeling. A waste of time. I hide from life, I make myself sick so I won't have to face rejection. I am not what the good men want. I have my own job, my own home, a loveable dog, my own car, and I have some culture.

I made mistakes in my life. But to love for just a little while is better than to never love. I know what love feels like. I cry myself to sleep from loneliness. Is there any hope for love again in my life.

I once heard a story about someone who enjoyed the company of a person. That person confessed to having feelings for someone else. A turn in a person's life like that, hurts deep into the heart. I have played the game, I know the rules. But when the heart gets involved. It is all doomed.

My answer to it; Work and Hide. Problem solved.

Rushing Around in a Stroller?????

I was in the mall recently and saw some folks pushing little children in a stroller. Well, since I am one of those folks that have no children and see things differently, I had to give this some thought and some time. Can you imagine what it must be like to be shoved around in a baby stroller. Think about it. You see people walking toward you. You see only their crouch.

As a baby in a stroller, you would have think, "do they see me" "will they move out of the way in time" "wait, hey people, turn turn hurry quickly."

I would think that has to be the scariest thing in a childs life. No, I know what you must be thinking. I have to much time on my hands. I should be worrying about other things. I do worry about things like this. I hate when people shoving, not pushing, children in strollers think they own the aisles in the store or mall. You don't have control over the aisle people. Just because you are pushing a snotty nose child in a contraption that most of the time the wheels and the brakes don't work.

I am not only thinking about me. But them little babies. Get on their level. What life must be like. Everything passing by. Ewwwww. Wow...I just realized I was taking up for babies. I guess I could for a little while. My neice and nephew both know, I don't baby sit and I don't change diapers. That is why they have mommies and daddies.

Back to the subject at hand. Babies in strollers. I am glad I have no memory of that.

Lemons and Limes

I have to share this information with you. Last night while spending quality time with great friends and having a few Corona's. (Yes I like a slice of lemon and a slice of lime in my corona.) The host of the gathering stated he had used lemons from his tree. The person that I am, said, wow...that is exciting. My friend, the person that she is, said, (giggle here). You know, if you would have picked the lemons while they were green you would have had home grown limes too. WE all looked at her with great amazement. I was in shock that she thought that, and even more shocked she said it out-loud. You know, that situation then became the topic for the next few minutes. Now, I have realized lemons and limes are both under-used. Lime juice on some mexican food is great. Fresh squeezed lemon-aid is super in the summer. But to think limes will become lemons. Jeezzzzz. Almost like saying, if you mow the grass today, tomorrow you will have spinach salad?

The terrible part of this, (really terrible) she was serious. SHE WAS SOOOOOO SERIOUS.

I guess I should stop picking at her now. She told me if I posted this she will be mad at me and not talk to me. I told her she will miss me plenty. I will let you know the outcome.......

When I am Old!!!

I often wonder what would I look like when I am old. Well....I think I have finally found a picture of what it would be like. This is me.

Happy Holidays

I want to wish each and everyone of you a Happy Holiday and a Joyous New Year

Twas the Night Before Christmas for Fat Gurls

Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear: A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
>From the top of the scales to the top of the hall Now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to my work Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night In the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!

In Love!!!!

Gotta love it!!!!

A Poem for Girls!!!!!

I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles, at any cost.
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.
I never forget an important date.
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.

Get it?, you DICK!?!

All I Want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas. I would love peace on Earth. Doesn't everyone? But, hey who are we fooling. Let's get down to the real stuff.

I want a man. Not just any man. I want a big bad boy. One with class and one who is sure of himself. Hell he can even wear shorts in the winter, and crocs to the movies.

I want to run away for a week. No where special. Just so I can be who ever I want to be. I do want to be pampered too.

I want to be the center of someone's attention. I want them to think I am the most important person in the world....just for a day or so.

I want to ride a motorcycle with my new red gloves. I want to fish the ocean. I want......wait now. I am dreaming. Well, since I am dreaming. Let's make this good. I want a convertible.....a high speed boat, or one to spend the day in.

I want, I want, I want. Don't you just hate that about this time of year. I hate when family ask, "What do you want for Christmas?" You are my family, you should know what I want. EVERYTHING.

It is not about money or the need. It is about wanting. What I want for Christmas is what I would not buy for myself. If I need it...I buy it. If I want it, I wait, it is not a necessity.

So, under the Christmas tree, I want....A SURPRISE.

Bad Santa!!!!

I am so glad I have been a good girl. I would hate for Santa to do that to me. But, then again, I am glad I don't have a chimney.

Garbage Time

I found this information in the USA Today.....Thought I would share it with you.

The top five foods thrown away by U.S. consumers because of spoilage:

Fresh vegetables and bagged salad 58%
Fresh Fruit 49%
Bread 48%
Milk, yogurt, and cheese 29%
Pre-packaged sandwich meat, hot dogs, bacon 19%

I know I throw this stuff out every week. So, do I dare ask the question? Why do we buy this stuff? Why do we not use it?

Interesting. But note, most of this stuff is the "good" stuff. Stuff we should eat. Of course we don't.

Beautiful Boobs

I had this painting done while at the Ren Festival. This picture does it absolutely no justice. But, never the less, it was gorgeous.

Other Boobs

It Pays to be a Redneck

No Words Needed

Turning 40

I am worried. Yes, worried, turning 40 in less than 6 months. I know, it is just a number. But that number is much different than those in the pass. I feel the need to "prepare" for this day. I have colored my hair...to hide the gray. I will start dieting today...to hide the weight. I will change my clothes...to hide my age. I will give up my "granny panties" for thongs...to make me feel sexy and young. I have bought sexy clothes, tighter jeans, and on and on and on.

Will all of this make a difference. What more can a woman ask for. I have a great job (career), a beautiful home, a car, friends and family, and a great "special friend." Am I missing something? I think so. What is it? I don't know yet. HELP!!!! I am drowning in this mess.

Do I find a support group? Do I take meds? Do I take two aspirins and call it a day? Do I drink cheap wine? Do I have a cosmopolitan and move on? HELP!!!!

Turning 40 has caused me some grief. Do I need to change what I do on a day to day basis? Do I need to become more responsible? At almost 40 you would think I would have the answers. I don't.

40....just a number? NOT. A change of life.

The Weekend

Amazing, during the work week, we are sophisticated, yet classy. On the weekend, we become sophisticated and just a little trashy. Most folks I see each and every day, have no idea what I look like on the weekend in my play clothes. Well, it is such an art. The makeup is different, the clothes is different, even the shoes and perfume is different. The lipstick is darker, the cleavage is pushed up a little higher, and the hair looks different.

Cosmopolitan's taste different on the weekend. They are smoother, more elegant, and hell I even drink more.

Well, I am off to dinner and drinks with friends.

New Life

I have debated for several days about how to write this. I have realized after reading my dear friend's blog, to take it in this direction.

My dear friend Andy, says the future is bright he has to wear shades. He woke this morning with a new pair.

We are all doing just that. Waking up in the mornng with a new pair of shades. A pair of shades that sees the future different than what we are accustomed to.

Normally, I would be racing around the house getting ready for work. Instead, I sit here in front of my computer still in my nighty. I am working from home. For my safety, I was told, I had to work from home until further notice. This is a terrible feeling. To work for days to help, and then to be sent home because I may not be safe. Some time ago, I practiced safety each and every day as a counselor for victims of domestic violence. I take a job in sales in a hotel, I am more in danger since this storm than the 4 years I helped victims to lives of safety and violence-free. I don't understand it.

Is it fair for me to question what has happened? Is it fair that there are people without anything, while I sit home in my nighty?

What happens to our community now? What happens to the people of Louisiana? How does one start over?

Do I dare say, some people they interviewed said they had nothing when they left, they have even less now. They will now get money and asisstance and possibly homes. Why does it take a tragedy like this for the government to realize, humans are struggling so much.

Angry, Pissed, and just more Angry

I am appalled when I hear folks say New Orleans should not be rebuilt. They have no idea what they are talking about. The "thugs" that ran amuck are just that "thugs."

Our city, the city that is hundreds of years old with more history and heritage than we can ever imagine belongs to us. Amazing how they never questioned, not once, if they will re-build New York, or Biloxi, or Los Angeles. What makes New Orleans any different? NOTHING.

Can we help that New Orleans is in a fish bowl? Can we change that? Of course not.

Do we rebuild.....YES, without a doubt.

Hurricane

I have worked many hours in the past week. Most of it not appreciated. Most of it, was not enough. Today, I was able to put a guest on a bus and send her to family in Florida. My heart was full, I will miss her. She had a way about her. A simple innocense about her.

But for those each day that I try to provide lodging is not enough. They always need more towels, more food, more something. I am a giving person. But, I can't give anymore. I am ready for someone to give to me. I am not asking for material things. I just want someone to listen. Someone to understand what I feel. Someone to hold my hand and to pat me on the shoulder or to say, I can cry and it would be okay. I am not asking for much. Hell, I am not asking for anything except compassion.

When Girls Drink Too Much!!!!

1. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE MY PURSE IS.
2. I BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH MY ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING MY BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3. I'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED I WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE I COULD DO IT TOO.
4. IN MY LAST TRIP TO PEE, I REALIZE I NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS I WAS JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.
6. I START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE I SEE THAT I LOVE THEM >SOOOO! O MUCH.
8. I'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO ME.
9. THE MAN I'M FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER.
10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING.
11. MY EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO I KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.
12. I'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
13. I YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO (I THINK) CHEATED ME BY GIVING ME JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.
14. I THINK I'M IN BED, BUT MY PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR.
15. I START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT..."
16. I FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN I SIT ON IT.
17. MY HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.
18. I'M TIRED SO I JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER I HAPPEN TO BE STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.
19. I BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON MY BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUTDOWN ON THE TIME I'M IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM MY DRINK.
20. I TAKE MY SHOES OFF BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

ALL THE GIRLS WHO LIKE TO HAVE FUN WILL APPRECIATE THIS LIST. MAKE THEM LAUGH AT THEMSELVES LIKE YOU PROBABLY DID... SADLY, MANY ARE TRUE. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT...KIND OF LIKE PLAYDOUGH

Lucky Dog

The one thing I will miss more than anything, is a Lucky Dog. I love them. They are so great while standing on the street corner. (I don't know the guy, just love the hot dogs)

Mailman

The Job!!!

Hanging Around!!!

Do you often feel like you are just hanging around with your azz completely exposed? Well, don't worry about it....we all feel like that some days.

To quote a "friend." "Well done; is better than well said"


Just give it some thought

The Groove

The Groove. Local musicians getting together to entertain crowds with their variety of music. Enjoyed by all that listens. Who cares if the local drunks think they sound good. We know they sound good. They have not played with anybody special. They think they are special enough. I promise I won't even say one of them is the driver of the short-bus and the rest are passengers. They are all special. Not one more special than the others. We listen to them when we can, we laugh and flirt, and we even well...point and laugh at them. Even though we love them plenty. See the link to their site. Come and listen. You will have fun. If not, at least have a few drinks and watch the gorgeous women that follow.

Life is like a box of chocolates

Through careful study, scientists have established that chocolate contains two powerful mood lifting agents found naturally in the human brain, Phenylethylamine and Seratonin. The brain releases these agents naturally when we feel happy and, you'll be excited to know, when we feel sexy and passionate.

Life is like a box of chocolates. The body responds with a rapid mood change, a rise in blood pressure, increased heart rate and feelings of well being. As chocolate contains these two agents eating it produces the same reactions and effects in the human body, and also gives the body an instant energy hit for improved physical stamina!ever know what you going to get.

Now I know you must be wondering why I am so interested in this topic. Well, I guess I like the feeling it gives. It is such great comfort. Is it as much comfort to a woman as boobs are to a man? I don't know. Maybe we will just have to find out. Can chocolate comfort us, I would think so. If you don't have enough, put a little more on it. It will be all better. Chocolate strawberries, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cheese cake, chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate is good. Try the chocolate with milk. I am sure it does the body good.

10 Things Every Single Girl Must Own

By Amy SpencerSure

You've got the perfect shade of lipstick and the little black dress... but is that all you need? Hardly.

1. A fabulous photo of yourself
2. A pretty pair of heels
3. An Eminem CD
4. A great pickup line... and a way to blow 'em off
5. A six-pack of good bottled beer
6. Bathroom reading (for his private time)
7. A business card
8. Earplugs (to drown out his snoring, if he spends the night)
9. A straight male friend on your speed-dial
10. A condom (in case he forgot)

I figured these were the things that was basic...besides the perfect shade of lipstick and the perfect little black dress. But, of course being the southern woman I am. I had to come up with my own top 10 things every single girl must own.

1. A purse of every color
2. A pair of sunglasses that will catch his attention
3. The perfect bra (some lace)
4. Of course, the perfect panty to match the perfect bra (thongs are good)
5. A great hairstylist
6. The best jeans that shows off the ass
7. Leather Jacket and gloves to ride on a Harley (boots come in handy too)
8. A great swimsuit with matching sarong skirt
9. A strand of pearls to go with the jeans (dare to be different)
10. A reliable booty buddy

Hillary: For President???

I am all for women's lib. But, this is scary. Come on now Hillary, at least pretend to be a woman and sit on the potty in the ladies room. Someday the world will accept a woman as president, but not one using the men's room with her hands on the yucky wall.

The state of mind of a Cosmopolitan

As a young girl grows up she dreams, (or so I think she does) of becoming a woman. As she sits in a fancy restaurant, she admires the lady sitting next to her. Sipping on the most beautiful drink she has ever seen. It is pink, with a twist of lime in a glass that is nice and tall and quite elegant. She is sipping on a Cosmopolitan. Well, as a woman. I dream of sipping on a Cosmopolitan. They are smooth, elegant, and well, let's just leave it at that. Two is my limit to drive, three is my limit, to take care of myself, and four, is enough to fall on the floor. But, as a lady, I can't fall on the floor. My thongs might show, that would make me trashy. You see, that is what a Cosmopolitan looks like under a microscope. After four of them, I am sure that is what my brain would look like under a microscope. Every lady, elegant or otherwise, should try, just once a Cosmopolitan. You will never regret it.

I am the subject of someone's undivided attention. He thinks I am wonderful. He thinks I am fine. I think he is nuts, I think he has lost his mind.

Got Milk????

The style now, is cleavage. The more the better. Just thought this would be something for you guys to ponder over.

Got Milk???

Fiery Sunset

Can you imagine sitting on the beach to watch this sunset? The sky looks like it is on fire. Most people I think are in too much of a hurry to even realize our sky can look like this.

Men: First Date Etiquette

In today’s world of anonymous email and to-the-point voicemail messages, the art of courting a woman often falls by the wayside (or right off the planet). Not merely trotted out for holidays (like christmas wrapping), manners are more than stuffy rules ingrained from many a granny’s rap on your adolescent knuckles. They’ll put your date at ease, charm her, and convey your affection—all the while boosting your own confidence (as long as the ego and the ass are rubbed, men are set).

So, for your wooing pleasure, here are some first-date dictates to speed the way, from IM’ed emoticons to candlelit sweet-nothings. ( Of course, the woman will win in the end, even though that is not a bad thing)

First-date dictate #1: Dress with finesse Put more than a moment’s thought into your choice of first-date attire. (Why do guys think they have to wear their lawn cutting clothes on a first date.) Simplicity and sophistication should rule. What’s proper? Neither your Sunday best nor your most casual Friday garb, but rather something pulled from the cleaners, or at least the topmost layer of the hamper.

First-date dictate #2: Perfect the proper greeting When you pick your date up (much more gentlemanly than having her meet you at a given restaurant), it helps to have flowers in hand. ( I can remember getting at least one flower, hell they don't do that anymore) Greet her with a warm, ever-so-slightly lingering kiss on the cheek and proffer a sincere compliment. Try “You’re even lovelier in person” if you’ve met online; “You’re even lovelier than I remembered” if you met in person. If the word “lovely” doesn’t trip off your tongue, try “cute”—the goal here is to say something flattering and sincere. Train your bachelor eye to decode body language: Is your date recoiling with tensely-crossed arms or looking skittish?

First-date dictate #3: Charm her with a bit of classic etiquette Do hold the door, yield the seat with the better view in the restaurant and, for Pete’s sake, insist that she have the last yummy bite of dessert. Nowadays, dating is like job hunting, and a gracious sense of manners is a bonus skill that will increase your curb appeal. Convinced you’re not the manners type? Let me put it this way: After suffering through a long week of loud-mouthed bosses and messy roommates, what modern lady wouldn’t welcome some special treatment? Especially given the post-grunge casualness of today’s society, manners stand out... and can melt her heart. ( when you melt her heart, the rewards are huge really huge)

First-date dictate #4: Order with panache Ordering isn’t just the utility of requesting food, but a time to test plate-sharing preferences and taste-bud adventurousness. Instead of silently burying your head in a menu, focus on the main dish of the evening... YOUR DATE. If the server returns while you two are just getting warmed up, don’t break the momentum—take command of some never-fail appetizers: “We’re still looking, but please bring the spring rolls while we decide.” While ordering entrees for another is a tad forward, get a sense of her flavors; any opportunity to glean personality clues shouldn’t be missed. Since no one is a mind-reader, avoid iffy statements that say nothing (“Sangria sounds okay... I guess”). Rather, accentuate the positives (“I love sushi!”), and voice negatives (“Mussels—never a favorite of mine”). Standing by convictions (no, not the larcenous kind) helps identify common ground while uncovering curious contrasts that can stimulate conversation. (Conversation is good.)

First-date dictate #5: Bid her goodnight in grand style If the night was a flop, a quick finish with a polite handshake or brief hug is expected, perhaps with great relief. Be simple (“I had a nice evening, thank you. Good night.”). Never make false promises for the sake of propriety (“Let’s do this again... um, I’ll call you.”). But let’s be optimistic and now focus on a truly delightful night. Don’t sully it with an awkward close or last-second lobby for a slobbery kiss. (ewwwww don't you hate a slobbery kiss) Your first pitch of woo shouldn’t be volleyed just as she’s unhitching her seat belt or fumbling for apartment keys. In fact, the post-dessert stroll is a fine time for romantic hand-holding. As for the final parting, marry thoughtful words (“What a marvelous time. I’d love to see you and your sweet smile again.”) (again, compliments and flattery will get you some place ) and actions. By actions, we certainly don’t mean a cold, platonic hug—that’s best left for crotchety aunts and the like. A successful first date is best capped off with a lip-to-lip smooch that neither lingers too long nor leaves too soon. Then, lean back and offer breathing room. If an encore is desired, body language will be crystal clear;(read the body) otherwise, bid good evening and march away confidently…there will be a next time.

Now, with all this said. All women like to be flattered and wined and dined. Ladies are not asking for a miracle. Just honesty. If you think you can't do these things, ask your mother, grandmother, or someone for help. Better to be safe than sorry.

All about romance.