Men: First Date Etiquette

In today’s world of anonymous email and to-the-point voicemail messages, the art of courting a woman often falls by the wayside (or right off the planet). Not merely trotted out for holidays (like christmas wrapping), manners are more than stuffy rules ingrained from many a granny’s rap on your adolescent knuckles. They’ll put your date at ease, charm her, and convey your affection—all the while boosting your own confidence (as long as the ego and the ass are rubbed, men are set).

So, for your wooing pleasure, here are some first-date dictates to speed the way, from IM’ed emoticons to candlelit sweet-nothings. ( Of course, the woman will win in the end, even though that is not a bad thing)

First-date dictate #1: Dress with finesse Put more than a moment’s thought into your choice of first-date attire. (Why do guys think they have to wear their lawn cutting clothes on a first date.) Simplicity and sophistication should rule. What’s proper? Neither your Sunday best nor your most casual Friday garb, but rather something pulled from the cleaners, or at least the topmost layer of the hamper.

First-date dictate #2: Perfect the proper greeting When you pick your date up (much more gentlemanly than having her meet you at a given restaurant), it helps to have flowers in hand. ( I can remember getting at least one flower, hell they don't do that anymore) Greet her with a warm, ever-so-slightly lingering kiss on the cheek and proffer a sincere compliment. Try “You’re even lovelier in person” if you’ve met online; “You’re even lovelier than I remembered” if you met in person. If the word “lovely” doesn’t trip off your tongue, try “cute”—the goal here is to say something flattering and sincere. Train your bachelor eye to decode body language: Is your date recoiling with tensely-crossed arms or looking skittish?

First-date dictate #3: Charm her with a bit of classic etiquette Do hold the door, yield the seat with the better view in the restaurant and, for Pete’s sake, insist that she have the last yummy bite of dessert. Nowadays, dating is like job hunting, and a gracious sense of manners is a bonus skill that will increase your curb appeal. Convinced you’re not the manners type? Let me put it this way: After suffering through a long week of loud-mouthed bosses and messy roommates, what modern lady wouldn’t welcome some special treatment? Especially given the post-grunge casualness of today’s society, manners stand out... and can melt her heart. ( when you melt her heart, the rewards are huge really huge)

First-date dictate #4: Order with panache Ordering isn’t just the utility of requesting food, but a time to test plate-sharing preferences and taste-bud adventurousness. Instead of silently burying your head in a menu, focus on the main dish of the evening... YOUR DATE. If the server returns while you two are just getting warmed up, don’t break the momentum—take command of some never-fail appetizers: “We’re still looking, but please bring the spring rolls while we decide.” While ordering entrees for another is a tad forward, get a sense of her flavors; any opportunity to glean personality clues shouldn’t be missed. Since no one is a mind-reader, avoid iffy statements that say nothing (“Sangria sounds okay... I guess”). Rather, accentuate the positives (“I love sushi!”), and voice negatives (“Mussels—never a favorite of mine”). Standing by convictions (no, not the larcenous kind) helps identify common ground while uncovering curious contrasts that can stimulate conversation. (Conversation is good.)

First-date dictate #5: Bid her goodnight in grand style If the night was a flop, a quick finish with a polite handshake or brief hug is expected, perhaps with great relief. Be simple (“I had a nice evening, thank you. Good night.”). Never make false promises for the sake of propriety (“Let’s do this again... um, I’ll call you.”). But let’s be optimistic and now focus on a truly delightful night. Don’t sully it with an awkward close or last-second lobby for a slobbery kiss. (ewwwww don't you hate a slobbery kiss) Your first pitch of woo shouldn’t be volleyed just as she’s unhitching her seat belt or fumbling for apartment keys. In fact, the post-dessert stroll is a fine time for romantic hand-holding. As for the final parting, marry thoughtful words (“What a marvelous time. I’d love to see you and your sweet smile again.”) (again, compliments and flattery will get you some place ) and actions. By actions, we certainly don’t mean a cold, platonic hug—that’s best left for crotchety aunts and the like. A successful first date is best capped off with a lip-to-lip smooch that neither lingers too long nor leaves too soon. Then, lean back and offer breathing room. If an encore is desired, body language will be crystal clear;(read the body) otherwise, bid good evening and march away confidently…there will be a next time.

Now, with all this said. All women like to be flattered and wined and dined. Ladies are not asking for a miracle. Just honesty. If you think you can't do these things, ask your mother, grandmother, or someone for help. Better to be safe than sorry.

All about romance.